I’m not very happy but I won’t say a word… Her behavior is disrespectful and aggressive but it’s OK. I’ll let it go I don’t want to cause any drama. It’s not worth addressing.  Besides, no one ever does anything about her behavior anyway – just bad khama.

We’ve been in situations where an individual or group of individuals’ behavior is insolent and detrimental. While giving a pass to this unacceptable behavior is extremely uncomfortable, we go “with the flow” defending we’re tired of challenging the accountability of others – it’s like pushing a car up hill. We rationalize we desire freedom from turmoil and mayhem that can scar.  Whether it’s in our personal relationships, family interactions, or attempts at team play in business, avoidance culture is the practice of dismissing poor behavior of others, and accepting this behavior as “that’s just the way they are”

Not addressing unacceptable behavior is an avoidance position that truly facilitates the continuance of harmful conduct in any deal. While its totally understandable to want to stay in a comfort zone and maintain a neutral position… the price we pay for remaining trapped in an avoidance culture is compromising our integrity of not supporting what’s expected of us and what we expect of ourselves with any mission. Turning our head to caustic behavior encourages that conduct to tether and fester with other folks, situations, and future events. Good Ole Barney Fife offered a solution to an avoidance culture when he said “Nipping it, nipping it in the bud makes perfect sense.”

Disruptive ways require swift and effective intervention to ensure that they don’t become customary ways of life.  Avoidance culture grows from fear of rejection, confrontation, domination, alienation, and unresolved strife. Conversely avoidance culture is defused when we stay true to what we believe, consistently promote healthy behaviors, and lead through modeling with no attempt to deceive.

When it comes to avoidance culture it’s a funny feeling to know deviant and destructive behavior are harmful weeds that deserve serious consideration to be pulled when they’re little and not letting them GROW… When avoidance culture roots take hold they strangle the health and welfare of those bringing happiness and productivity to all… a cost that is greater than might initially SHOW…

Copyright Alan P. Xenakis, MD